I don't even know if i want to talk to anyone about my feelings, they are caught up inside me and only escape when I wake in the middle of the night.
Q) What do I want?.........................A) I don't know!
Q)When do I want it?.....................A) NOW!
Well I am an Aries :)
change of font is well overdue >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> oops no comic sans on here :(
maybe a change of colour would be good >>>>>>>>>>>>> is that pink better? or maybe blue? or purple perhaps? or is this better, maybe bold would help it? ok, turquoise or pink in bold seems to do the trick. if only life were that simple.
ok, maybe a list is what's needed:
TO DO
finish carpet
buy paint ~ do paint
recover sofa
buy curtain for middle of room
get printer working
clear stuff and find things!
de~flea cat
wash hair
arghhhhhhhhhh just too many things and getting strength back ~ anyone got any spare strength?
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Sunday, February 24, 2013
...and now on to me!
to move or not to move?
if i could ask my Dad would i listen to him or just steam ahead thinking i knew best?
i find it very difficult to try and argue with myself so am at a loss here. my daughter is more like my Mum so isn't really helping me (although she is trying her best), i really do need my Dad's arguments!
if i could ask my Dad would i listen to him or just steam ahead thinking i knew best?
i find it very difficult to try and argue with myself so am at a loss here. my daughter is more like my Mum so isn't really helping me (although she is trying her best), i really do need my Dad's arguments!
Friday, February 22, 2013
January 10th 2013
I'm tempted to say OMG but really it isn't forceful enough!
On January 10th at about 10.45pm my Dad took his last breath. R.I.P. Dad.
I want to pour my heart out, I never realised just how much I would miss him. With tears in my eyes I remember he is no longer mine.
No more arguments, no more battling to have my own independence, no more Dad.
I have so many memories of this wonderful man, a few memories of a controlling and bombastic man (to say the least) but hundreds and millions, even gazillions, of memories of a wonderful provider and great family man, whose only desire was that his family had everything that they needed.
In November I did ask my daughter if she'd put anti freeze in her car and her reply was, "Stop being like Grandpa". I feel fortunate that I share so many of my Dad's attributes, hopefully I can polish the sharp edges so they are not quite so cutting, although learning to defend myself against those sharp words has made me into the strong person that I am today. I'm glad that I am so like my father. I'm still practising the knowing when to keep quiet bit but I will get there.
Early Memories:
Coming home after visiting my Grandparents and being fast asleep in the car. My Father carrying me out and putting me on the sofa, I do remember being put into a kitchen drawer once but that might have been my older sister's input!
At my sister's birthday party, playing all change stations with a toy electric train set (borrowed I think) and having great fun.
Being taken to a cricket match for lunch by my Dad and then going back to school.
Dad holding the back of my bike after taking the stabilisers off. I did get cross with him for letting go but it worked because I remember cycling with my friend Brian Bott on the main road a few weeks later.
... and then we moved to Sheffield ...
Christmas was always memorable as the tree was in the large hall and we sat on the stairs guessing at the presents.
Going into the kitchen and 'catching' my Dad sawing some long pieces of wood - I couldn't work out what he was doing until i was presented with a pair of hand made stilts for my birthday. I loved my stilts. that must have been about 1966 and I remember being cross when 20 years later my stilts were given to Barbara&Max for their children.
Playing in the street and seeing Mum&Dad driving back home with a Redgates bag holding a Pogo Stick. I so loved my Pogo Stick but the Stilts meant more as they were hand made with love.
Being carried upstairs in my lilac gingham night dress and tearing it cos my knees were caught! (That could have been a dream before starting Silverdale!)
Getting the best bed from Cole Brothers (John Lewis) and the greatest flowery wallpaper!
Going sledging!
Being told I could have anything from the shop window if it was bought that day on a Sunday before shops were open on a Sunday.
Leaving my sister in the countryside cos she was being argumentative ~ she did eventually turn up at home!
Going for Sunday walks which became pub lunches later and good excuses to learn to drive. We went out whatever the weather and often to places with streams in the summer and places with frozen lakes in the winter to skate on or places to throw snow.
Being driven to college every morning and going into Education Offices on Leopold Street after getting the bus back. I would run u,p the stairs and knock on the door, Dad would respond with COME or ENTER in a sharp business like voice but would become friendlier when he saw it was me. Often he would give me the car keys so I could wait for him in the car park if he was still busy. It was a good time, we often didn't say much but sometimes we shared a lot. Like Dad telling me when he went for his Officer Review in Washington ~ It had been snowing and when asked if he had polished his boots that morning he responded immediately with "Yes Sir", he couldn't remember but there was so much snow on his boots so nobody would have known.
The documents, articles and reviews Dad gave to the local paper which really only told you what he wanted you to know, using lots of excess words!
As a Father he was tough but fair, always forgiving too. I will always love him. R.I.P Dad
On January 10th at about 10.45pm my Dad took his last breath. R.I.P. Dad.
I want to pour my heart out, I never realised just how much I would miss him. With tears in my eyes I remember he is no longer mine.
No more arguments, no more battling to have my own independence, no more Dad.
I have so many memories of this wonderful man, a few memories of a controlling and bombastic man (to say the least) but hundreds and millions, even gazillions, of memories of a wonderful provider and great family man, whose only desire was that his family had everything that they needed.
In November I did ask my daughter if she'd put anti freeze in her car and her reply was, "Stop being like Grandpa". I feel fortunate that I share so many of my Dad's attributes, hopefully I can polish the sharp edges so they are not quite so cutting, although learning to defend myself against those sharp words has made me into the strong person that I am today. I'm glad that I am so like my father. I'm still practising the knowing when to keep quiet bit but I will get there.
Early Memories:
Coming home after visiting my Grandparents and being fast asleep in the car. My Father carrying me out and putting me on the sofa, I do remember being put into a kitchen drawer once but that might have been my older sister's input!
At my sister's birthday party, playing all change stations with a toy electric train set (borrowed I think) and having great fun.
Being taken to a cricket match for lunch by my Dad and then going back to school.
Dad holding the back of my bike after taking the stabilisers off. I did get cross with him for letting go but it worked because I remember cycling with my friend Brian Bott on the main road a few weeks later.
... and then we moved to Sheffield ...
Christmas was always memorable as the tree was in the large hall and we sat on the stairs guessing at the presents.
Going into the kitchen and 'catching' my Dad sawing some long pieces of wood - I couldn't work out what he was doing until i was presented with a pair of hand made stilts for my birthday. I loved my stilts. that must have been about 1966 and I remember being cross when 20 years later my stilts were given to Barbara&Max for their children.
Playing in the street and seeing Mum&Dad driving back home with a Redgates bag holding a Pogo Stick. I so loved my Pogo Stick but the Stilts meant more as they were hand made with love.
Being carried upstairs in my lilac gingham night dress and tearing it cos my knees were caught! (That could have been a dream before starting Silverdale!)
Getting the best bed from Cole Brothers (John Lewis) and the greatest flowery wallpaper!
Going sledging!
Being told I could have anything from the shop window if it was bought that day on a Sunday before shops were open on a Sunday.
Leaving my sister in the countryside cos she was being argumentative ~ she did eventually turn up at home!
Going for Sunday walks which became pub lunches later and good excuses to learn to drive. We went out whatever the weather and often to places with streams in the summer and places with frozen lakes in the winter to skate on or places to throw snow.
Being driven to college every morning and going into Education Offices on Leopold Street after getting the bus back. I would run u,p the stairs and knock on the door, Dad would respond with COME or ENTER in a sharp business like voice but would become friendlier when he saw it was me. Often he would give me the car keys so I could wait for him in the car park if he was still busy. It was a good time, we often didn't say much but sometimes we shared a lot. Like Dad telling me when he went for his Officer Review in Washington ~ It had been snowing and when asked if he had polished his boots that morning he responded immediately with "Yes Sir", he couldn't remember but there was so much snow on his boots so nobody would have known.
The documents, articles and reviews Dad gave to the local paper which really only told you what he wanted you to know, using lots of excess words!
As a Father he was tough but fair, always forgiving too. I will always love him. R.I.P Dad
Monday, August 02, 2010
square pegs and round holes
A Child Learns What He Lives
If a child lives with criticism
He learns to condemn
If a child lives with hostility
He learns to fight
If a child lives with ridicule
He learns to be shy
If a child lives with shame
He learns to feel guilt
BUT
If a child lives with tolerance
He learns to be patient
If a child lives with encouragement
He learns confidence
If a child lives with fairness
He learns justice
If a child lives with security
He learns to have faith
If a child lives with approval
He learns to like himself
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship
He learns to find love in the world
I so love that piece, it makes so much sense.
but why is it that 'they' [the powers that be] insist on making square pegs fit into round holes? particularly i am talking about children, children who don't fit in within the 'normal' [hate that word] parameters of life but are often highly intelligent.
within a school a child has to fit into distinct learning circles, and if they don't their sharp edges will be worn away, those sharp edges which are the key to their intelligence.
instead 'they' label the child and instead of helping them to learn 'they' take away any confidence the child had left. and we all know that peeling labels off is a tricky business which can leave behind a very nasty residue.
this is not finished , lunch break!
... oops again, that was a very long lunch break, almost 20 hours! may as well leave it there as it is technically another day, off to think of something new to write about!
If a child lives with criticism
He learns to condemn
If a child lives with hostility
He learns to fight
If a child lives with ridicule
He learns to be shy
If a child lives with shame
He learns to feel guilt
BUT
If a child lives with tolerance
He learns to be patient
If a child lives with encouragement
He learns confidence
If a child lives with fairness
He learns justice
If a child lives with security
He learns to have faith
If a child lives with approval
He learns to like himself
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship
He learns to find love in the world
I so love that piece, it makes so much sense.
but why is it that 'they' [the powers that be] insist on making square pegs fit into round holes? particularly i am talking about children, children who don't fit in within the 'normal' [hate that word] parameters of life but are often highly intelligent.
within a school a child has to fit into distinct learning circles, and if they don't their sharp edges will be worn away, those sharp edges which are the key to their intelligence.
instead 'they' label the child and instead of helping them to learn 'they' take away any confidence the child had left. and we all know that peeling labels off is a tricky business which can leave behind a very nasty residue.
this is not finished , lunch break!
... oops again, that was a very long lunch break, almost 20 hours! may as well leave it there as it is technically another day, off to think of something new to write about!
Sunday, August 01, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
where are the thoughts?
now where did i put those thoughts? you know, the ones that were clambering to get out of my head and into a blog last night just before i went to sleep. they seem to have done a fantastic great escape so i'll have to try and formulate new ones, and hopefully before lunch because typing when hungry isn't at the top of my favourites list.
one thing i wanted to say was, how come we all assume that we are the normal ones and every one else is quite mad? can't really expand on that, i mean, i'm normal [whatever that means] and you are just quite mad, full stop, end of conversation.
so what happens next, any loose thoughts just hanging around waiting to be typed out? maybe they're like the teenagers hanging out at the local bus terminus, enough shelter from the rain and barely enough street cred to be called a proper meeting place! oh those days, those good old days, the long summer nights of just being bored, bored as all 14 year olds feel with a passion, bored of what nobody ever knew but we were sure we were all bored.
oh well, guess i'll have to round them up later, it is school holidays after all, and even thoughts need a break sometimes!
one thing i wanted to say was, how come we all assume that we are the normal ones and every one else is quite mad? can't really expand on that, i mean, i'm normal [whatever that means] and you are just quite mad, full stop, end of conversation.
so what happens next, any loose thoughts just hanging around waiting to be typed out? maybe they're like the teenagers hanging out at the local bus terminus, enough shelter from the rain and barely enough street cred to be called a proper meeting place! oh those days, those good old days, the long summer nights of just being bored, bored as all 14 year olds feel with a passion, bored of what nobody ever knew but we were sure we were all bored.
oh well, guess i'll have to round them up later, it is school holidays after all, and even thoughts need a break sometimes!
Monday, July 26, 2010
Monday 26th July
ok, just time for a small type, at least it will get me into the habit of writing at least once a day ~ ok, well maybe not quite that often but at least more often than once every 2 months! ok, brain gone quite blank now i'm faced with a blank screen and only a few minutes left before i have to do something else, all i can think of saying is: aren't we having typical british weather, hot, cold, wet, dry, windy + muggy, all in one day!
Sunday, July 25, 2010
oops!
yes oops, i really didn't mean to not write anything for such a long time. the trouble is i write it all in my head just before i go to sleep and then forget that i haven't actually recorded it anywhere! then trying to trawl through the dreams and night time thoughts to find the words tends to muddle it all up, so when it comes to putting finger to keyboard the words come out as jnah lj adkj akhj hdussiw! i'll come back soon, i promise :)
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
New Prime Minister!?!
new prime minister ~ will it make any difference to our everyday lives?
are they going to build new council houses for the people who really can't afford to buy but end up paying over £700 a month anyway for a grotty rented property ~ and that's not even in London!
are they going to create jobs for those who want to work but cannot make the leap from being unemployed because they wouldn't earn enough money to live on?
or will they just continue giving to those who don't need it and keep taking from those without anything like Robin Hood in reverse!!!
are they going to build new council houses for the people who really can't afford to buy but end up paying over £700 a month anyway for a grotty rented property ~ and that's not even in London!
are they going to create jobs for those who want to work but cannot make the leap from being unemployed because they wouldn't earn enough money to live on?
or will they just continue giving to those who don't need it and keep taking from those without anything like Robin Hood in reverse!!!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
instructions!
why is it i have a problem following instructions? i decided to dye something the other day, the instructions said to wear gloves, why would i think that didn't apply to me? as i didn't want the trousers i was dying to go a really dark blue, just a regular navy blue i decided to measure out about a third of the dye to use. there was one solid lump so i put that back in the box - that was my downfall, solid lump wasn't so solid and bits ingrained themselves, all over my hands! most of it washed off but some was stuck, ingrained under my finger nails and nothing would shift it - never mind i thought, no one will notice. i think actually people did but as i'd forgotten all about it i wasn't explaining my everso overly grubby looking nails, i got funny looks all the next day! it is starting to fade from my nails, i'm hoping the extra scrubbing i'm doing is making some difference and i do wish all those people who saw my nails and thought i was a grubby tart will read this!
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