ok i'm over feeling sorry for myself. now i've just got to work out what i want to do before i can do it.

oh and i've got to stop using the word got! when is was in junior school we had one teacher who made us bury the word got and look for other words to use in its place. that was about the only grammar i ever remember being taught, sadly. as an adult i became interested in crossword puzzles and using a thesaurus and dictionary together to cross reference words, it's amazing how soon you start to sound intelligent. sadly if you stop then you start to sound like the normal run of the mill pleb you've always known you are.

today my daughter told me she will be moving herself and her family into a new house 40 miles away, i so want to follow in her shadow but realise i must let them go so that they can then come back.

no one ever said how painful it is to let your children go, believe me it is the most heart wrenching thing to ever happen.

dilemmas

is there anyone out there who likes these?

it's a bit like facing a new 5000 piece jigsaw puzzle really when you think about it, solve a small bit of a dilemma and then more pieces fall into place. ok problem solved, now i can just get on with the rest of my life!

... if only life were that simple.

maybe just putting the dilemma to the back of my mind will help, let things settle in my brain until the most important one surfaces - is that the way things happen or will the most annoying thought surface first?

i have an brilliant idea of how i want things to turn out but it's really just a fantasy, it would be great if everything worked out the way i wanted but that only happens in fairy tales and this life is far from a fairy tale.

has anyone noticed, tonight there is no moon and no stars even tho the forcaste said it will be a clear sky tonight! maybe there is a clue to the dilemma in that, or maybe not, could just be a part of the moons cycle.

maybe i should just stop taking life so seriously!!!

a whole day went past without me writing anything, all i can say is that yesterday the news came out that Patrick Swayze and Keith Floyd had died, both legends in their own right and nice people as well, hopefully they will both now be at peace.

unfortunately the sadness wiped all thoughts of writing right out of my brain, that and the happiness of chocolate waffles shared with grandson number 1 of course :) having tea with my daughter and her lovely family will always send my mind blank. too busy playing with the red London bus which had small coins as passengers in the absence of tiny people to even think about writing.

ok, i'll get back to serious thinking tomorrow, i hope, the great thing about blog writing is that there's no one to tell you off for not writing, no one to frown or disapprove when you get sidetracked by the lighter side of life.

goodnight

oh dear, i want to go to bed but i want to write something, just so i can say i write something on here every day.

brains on go slow, words stuck in a treacle overflow, so this might be all i can give tonight. lucky no one else i reading this but me :)

sunshine + rainbows

it's lovely to have sunshine and warmth in september, it chases the autumn away, giving us a few more precious days of summer to bask in. i always love the late afternoon sun as it shines on the crystals hanging in my window ~ yes like Pollyanna i hang my crystals ~ and such glorious rainbows they make. if i put the fan on they dance about, different shapes and sizes all dancing around the room ~ on the floor, the walls, the ceiling and sometimes they even land on me, which is quite magical.

i want to write something but i don't know what, how stupid is that?

ok, will start with a British classic: the weather :)

the sun was out today, what a glorious summer day, just when we thought that winter had set in the weather changes to give us the nicest surprise. does this mean that we're in for a colder winter when it eventually arrives? i grew up in Sheffield and was born further north in Middlesbrough, a place whose name i never knew how to spell until fairly recently! now both of those places used to have snowy winters so i grew up loving the cold white stuff. now as an adult i think it looks glorious on day one but after that it just becomes a nuisance. how come our attitudes change? i now live in the south west where snow doesn't happen very often but when it does the whole world stops, it's as if the idea of gritters on the main roads has not yet been invented. consequently everything grinds to a halt, which sadly makes the snow seem like a very bad idea all round, no one can get out, the roads and pavements become icy danger zones and the chance of getting a bus are virtually nil unless you live within city limits.

when i moved into this house i didn't like the area, too far away from civilisation, and yet it is only a mile from town, i live at the top of a very steep hill, watching people try to ride their push bikes up it is funny. a bus driver who lives down the road told me he has to ride his bike into work on a sunday as the buses only run once an hour from here, but he always pushes the bike back up the hill! now, years later i like living here for the exact same reasons as i used to dislike it ~ it's quiet, peaceful and too far up a steep hill to be bothered by many door to door salesbugs or other obnoxious people. anyway, i now quite like living here and although i was planning on moving, i now can't find anywhere else i would like to live.

so either i'm just one of those people who changes their mind or i grow into or out of things as i age!

thoughts for Friday ...

... or not, as the case may be. if i just start typing will the words please make their way to the ends of my fingers, NOW!

oh dear, there seems to be a road block on the way between the thoughts and the escape route, unless the thoughts are just not happening today, which is quite probable as i've been on a spending overdrive today. went to buy paint and came back with 2 pairs of jeans, 2 purple t-shirts, one glorious blouse and 24 noisy bangles, all for £40 which is quite good, i think, i don't buy clothes the way i used to so have no idea what other people spend on their clothes but i know someone who spends a lot more than that. oh and i completely forgot to buy paint!

Q. am i pleased with my new purchases?
A. yes i am, very pleased.

Q. will i wear my new clothes straight away?
A. no.

ok, this might just make me sound quite mad but i have a thing about not wearing new clothes straight away, which is not a good idea because by the time i've realised i don't like them it's too late to take them back. yet still i don't wear new clothes straight away, i just like to get used to them before wearing them, makes perfect sense to me!

anyway, a day of shopping has probably frightened all my thoughts away, all the sane ones anyway!

if ...

if you look through a dirty window do you see an unclean world?

if we see the world through different eyes are we living in the same place or is it just a different space?

if i ask you a question and you tell me a lie does that mean you don't like me or do you really like me and are you trying to protect me?

if we all knew the same things would it be boring?

if i had everything i wanted would something else go wrong?

if i could live my life again would i make any changes or just do everything the same?

if i wasn't on the internet what would i be doing???

escape!

why is it that words escape? just before i go to bed these words form great stories and i assume they will line up in my head like all good words should do, maybe it's stupid of me but i hope they will remain in line until the following morning when, after getting a few hours of much needed shut eye, i will collect them up and frog march them into my blog. instead i find nothing, total blank space looking a bit like ................................................... that (had to insert dots or there was no space) only so much bigger. throughout the day odd words jump back in to my conscious mind but they are usually out of sync and if written down would look like an unmade jigsaw dropped from a great height. so i trawl through the day, trying to collect the words and assemble them into good order but it's a bit like trying to get 100 cats to do what you want at the same time - impossible!

Technology 2 or rather the lack of understanding it!

during my anti technology rant i was interrupted by the doorbell and the words just ran off to play elsewhere, as they tend to do.

this is about all the new things which confuse me:

things like my super dupa new camera which i chose as a Christmas present ~ i went into the shop and asked for something simple and easy to use, i came out with a fantastic camera which was far from either of those requirements. it's now September and although i can use said camera on it's basic automatic settings there are so many other things it does which i will never understand - read the booklet they said, all 100 pages of small print, which is in English but may as well be in Dutch for all the sense it makes to me.

things like my new super dupa mobile phone ~ i went in with the intention of buying a simple flip top pay as you go phone to replace the much loved 4 year old one i had recently broken, i came out with a slider contract phone. again a very good phone and a good and cheap contract deal, but i don't understand it at all and to get it to do one thing i have to answer 50 questions!

is it just me or are they making new things more difficult for anyone over the age of 40 to understand.

many more things confuse me, from everyday simple stuff to the more complex and utterly absurd, i'm sure i will share those details soon enough but i need to raid the fridge right now before night falls.

technology!

why is it that it becomes more difficult to keep up with modern technology the older we get?

when i was a child the word was rarely heard, TECHNOLOGY, it did exist but it was far enough away for it not to affect me. now it's round every corner, in school children have lessons in Food Technology, they're probably the same as the lessons we had called Domestic Science but somehow adding the name Technology makes it seem more important on the school curriculum.

everything seems to have technology following it, as if having a suffix of such importance makes the world more grandiose.

9/11 TV Coverage

am i the only person wondering why we are being shown coverage all this week of 9/11? 8 years later and it's still as haunting as ever. i tuned into BBC1 just after the first plane struck and witnessed it all from the comfort of my home in the UK, it was deeply disturbing and unforgettable, i don't need to see it on screen again to remember. i would like to think that the film and documentary makers were giving their profits to the victims' families and to those who survived but must still be wondering how come they were chosen to be the lucky ones.

... would the world be any different?

if i knew what i was doing would everything fall into place, or would it just continue to fall around my ears?

why is real life more complicated than fiction?

why am i doing this???

ok, i thought i could write, thought it would be as easy as talking and i can talk the hind legs off anything and anyone, but ... it's not as easy as it was in my head during the middle of the night. the words of the night flow free, all problems are solved, i wake up to a wonderful world before realising that my dream world evaporated with the morning dew.

what am i complaining about, i have a lovely daughter, 3 gorgeous grandchildren and a big and beefy son in law, my parents are still alive and kicking, my sister is, and always will be, older than me and my niece is nice. i have no complaints, not really, it's just that i want my life to be something that it isn't, what i don't know, the only word i can think of is Zingy but does anyone really know what that means - answers on a postcard please.